The week long adventures of Emmett and jasper
by manga loverXD
Summary: a humorous story about our two favorite vampires who are very very bored!
1. Chapter 1

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i don't have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashley Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodygaurd muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

* * *

The week long adventures of Emmett and Jasper

by: me-the other half- =]

Background

Vampires have a habit of being old. Very old. And for excitable boys, like Emmett and Jasper, the same hum drum routine can become boring. Superboring. So they came up with this...thing. A game of lets say. Well sort of like and RPG (role playing game). They pick 25 completely different and random acts of literature and place them in a hat. 7 are chosen. Emmett and Jasper have to act like a character from that literature all day! If the character is broken the other person gets a point. Who ever has the most points at the end of the week wins. The loser is subjected to extreme gloating for up to when then play the game again and serfdom to the winner for 2 months. Last time Jasper won. Emmett is NOT messing around. He's gonna win this time if its the last thing he does...for awhile. ^.^

Good luck boys!!! Let the RPG thingy Commence!

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Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i don't have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature" they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashey Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! I'm poor I'm feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodyguard muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

P.S. I need a name!!! .

* * *

The week long adventures of Emmett and Jasper

by: me-the other half- =]

Chapter 2 Its starting again....

"Uh-oh" Alice said as she was coming out of a vision. She was sitting on the couch watching her husband on the floor playing video games with Emmett. She quickly scanned her family's reactions to this issue. _hmm_ Alice thought _nothing gets broken this time. "_Em, Jazzy" she called out just loud enough for the whole house to hear. _Brace yourself Ed_ Alice thought spoke. "Yes Ali-bear?" Emmett asked as Jasper punched his arm. "Stop hitting on my girl **Emmie-Bear**"Jasper laughed. "Boys!" Alice yelled desperate for at least minimal control. _Gah. I married a five year old!! _"I have a question for you. Have you been having secret meetings in the bat cave?" She asked.

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*****And now a word from our sponsor! -death glare to announcer guy- I meant author Geeze lady your scary!! -Thank You-*****

The bat-cave. The nickname for the only vampire-hearing proof room in the Cullen household. It is used for a variety of things. Like quiet time away from Emmett and Jasper, a place for Rosalie to break things in peace, quiet time away from Emmett and Jasper, a private place for those husbands and wives, quiet time away from Emmett and Jasper, a secret meeting place, quiet time away from Emmett and Jasper etc. They seem to be very useful. So, if you are in need of a vampire-hearing proofed room of your own...MAKE ONE!!

That is all.

Love,

your friendly neighborhood Author.

****And now back to our regularly Scheduled reading****

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It was well know in the Cullen family that Emmett and Jasper planned all their crazy...plans in that Bat Cave.

For example, 40 years ago when they tried their 7th attempt at world domination but, only succeeded in messing with some hippies. Which still was a successful mission in their eyes.

Then 20 years ago when they set up a science lab in to try and make a personal brand of "moose tracks" ice cream with moose _blood _instead of chocolate swirls. This ended in a large explosion which brought on mixed reaction. 5 votes horrible idea 2 votes best explosion ever.

*A/n if you can guess who the 2 votes were you may recieve a metaphorical funfetti cake with the frosting of your choice*

But mostly the room was used by them to plan their next week long RPG game thingy(WLRPGGT). So, when Emmett got that shifty eyed look and Jasper unconsciously sent out calming waves they gave it away.

The four remaining Cullens ran to the living room. All appeared worried. *A/n wonder why lol* "Boys. Please tell me that you aren't that bored again." Carlisle begged. "Well," Jasper said "We are. And we were shooting for next week..."*A/n Im sure if this was an anime The four sane Cullens would have fallen over with the stress teardrop thingy and all*

"Yea and this time we're gonna-" Emmett was cut off by and elbow to his ribs. "Ow dude! Seriously?" "Don't. Spoil. The. Surprise." Jasper reminded him with a death glare. " Oh right. My bad. But did you have to hit me so hard? I'm sensitive" the human turned vampiric boulder complained. Jasper smacked the back of his large head.**Oi!! My head is NOT large!! Shut up Emmett and go back to "sleep" mommy author is telling a story.-author uses magical chloroform to knock out Emmett and places him in her personal bat cave with the Cullens and the other characters she stol-borrowed.**

"Guys can you _pweaze _not do this yet?" Edward asked. "Because last time you played we had to relocate and I don't want to leave Bella." "Don't stress little bro! We'll be more careful this time. Promise." said Emmett. " Yeah, yeah! We won't even wreck your music collection or break dance on your piano!" " YOU DID WHAT?!?!" Jasper was trying to convince Edward that everything was goin to be fine but it didn't seem to be working.***wonder why xD***

Jasper changed his tactics. An evil grin graced his features. " How about this then? YOu let us play are game without you interrupting us and I won't manipulate you to fall in love with one of the dogs! Maybe it will be JACOB!!!" Jasper and Emmett broke in to evil (and scary) laughter. " NO NO NO! Okay you win! Play the stupid game i don't care." Edward left in a huff. Probably to Bella's house to peep-no stalk-no i mean "watch" her as she sleeps.

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Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!! Love ya me!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i dont have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashley Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodyguard muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

* * *

The week long adventures of Emmett and Jasper

by: me-the other half- =]

Chapter 3- the day arrives...oh Snap!!

"La La La La!"

The musical 'La's' broke the silence of the Cullen home. A large black "cat" with a Steven Tyler themed mane bounded down the stairs.

****A/n this is a joke between me and my sister she believes that Rum Tum Tugger Looks like a rocker kinda and proceeds to call him "Aerosmith Kitty" .....ALL THE TIME lol it is funny though.~author out!****

He stopped in the living room and stood in front of Rosalie shaking his hips in and "enticing manner".

"Umm Emmett? What are you doing?"

"The WLRPGGT start today aren't you excited meoooowwwww" he-uh-sang? "My name is not Emmett anymore my sweet love! It is Rum Tum Tugger and I _am_a curious cat" Emm-Rum Tum Tugger wriggled his eyebrows at the poor vampiress.

"Oh. Fantastic! My husband has mutated into a spandex and fur wearing freak." Rosalie pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

****A/n I like to call it the annoying people spot. If someone is bothering you, you get this headache and it causes the dreaded "nose-pinching" as seen here****

A commotion came from the staircase. Both occupants in the living room turned towards the noise. Alice ran down the stairs "Presenting Grizabella the Glamour Cat!!" she said. Then she ran back up the stairs to drag "Grizabella" down with her.

"Why do we let Alice pick out our characters again?" Jaspabella grumbled. He looked absolutely _dashing_in his ripped fishnet, high heels, scraggly grey fur and long black gloves with red sparkly fingernails.

"Because" Alice said " You guys **NEVER** let me play and that's not fair!"

"But Alice love" Jaspabella clawed at Alice's leg *** in kitty mode*** "You never want to play untill the game is already started mew mew."

"Yea Meow" Emmett said as he sauntered over to Alice and the other doofus-cat-vampire."You always want to make the costumes and this is obviously a man's game. Me-Ow" Emmett said as he reached into his mane and pulled out a mirror to check his cat make-up.

***A/n seriously can anyone see this? If not, look up a picture of Rum Tum Tugger and picture big ol' emmett in that costume in this scene...It's CRAY-ZAY!***

"Ugh!" Alice yelled "What. Ever.........I KNOW EVERYTHING! AND-AND-AND YOUR STOOOPID!!!!!" And she ran away.

"What's her problem meow meow?" Emmett asked as he started to play with a ball of yarn. Jasper looked up form the bowl of blood(labled milk) he was lapping.

*like a cat ^_^ heheh kitty want some candy-Jim Gaffigan**

"Maybe she had some bad nip meow meow" He went back to feasting.

"Hmmm meow. Maybe if I butt my head against Rosalie she'll scratch behind my ears! YAAAAYY!! Oh Rosie my sweet Queen!!**cats reference** YOUR TOM CAT IS COMING FOR YOU!!!" Rum Tum Emmett pounced away.

SUDDENLY...

Jasper was all alone.

**BAM!!!!!!**

A metaphorical spotlight was shining on him. So naturally he wobbly stood on his 6 inch heels. _Curses Alice Meow Meow_ He thought. ( He had to stay in character even in his mind. Hey! Edward could be listening in right?)

And he began to sing.....Badly. Hey this is a musical singing is required at least once. Remember Emmett's "La La's"?

"Meooooooooooowww *cough cough* Do Re Ti Mi Fa So La Do!

Memory All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

I remember the time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again....Meow"

The Cullen's were listening in on Jasper's little performance and when he finished there was a stunned silence then Emmett broke out in to maniacal laughter. Which was heard through the house and half the surrounding woods.

"Dude! Dude! You sounded like a fruitcake HA HA HA HA!!" He was rolling on the ground overcome with laughter.

"Meow Meow" Jaspabella cleaned his "paws."

Emmett froze mid-role "Crap!" He shot up his mane tousled,"Crappy Crappity Crap Crap! I suck I am the King Cat of Stoopidness! Roooaaaarrrrr!" Quickly he regained his cat character and the moved on.

Day 1

Final Score

Jasper-1 Emmett-zip

* * *

Emmett-I hate this game *grumble grumble*

Me- No you don't you love it

Jasper- Yeah Em your just mad that your losing

Me-HEY you got out of my bat cave too? IMPOSSIBLAY!!! That's it!! Chloroform for everybody!!!!!! *uses magical chloroform blaster to drug up all her

stolen- borrowed characters once more. Then throws Emmett and Jasper back into the Bat Cave*

*silence*

Me- ahh much better no distracting character now I can rest...I mean haha work on the next chapter!!

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Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i dont have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashey Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodygaurd muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

* * *

The week long adventures of Emmett and Jasper

by: me-the other half- =]

Chapter 4 Do we have to be under water?

****Announcer Guy-**Welcome**** welcome **welcome! echo effect** To Day **2**** 2 **2 of the WLRPGGT! here Finding Nemo proves more difficult than one might think. Good Luck Competitors!

-turns to author- Oh Supreme Overlord and Master!

-he grovels_ May I please return to my humble home? I'm missing my shows!!

-Author pretends to think as she does a twirl so her cape looks AWESOME!! Then she says- NO! Back to the Bat Cave with you! Muwahahaha!

-POOF!- Announcer Guy back in Bat Cave

-POOF! POOF!- Author sits in GIANT comfy armchair with notebook, laptop, and hot chocolate with the cute mini marshmallows.

Her cape turns into a snuggie.

Perfect! -she says- now! Dance Monkeys! Dance!

She begins to type furiously as eleven Monkies dance in the background.****

"Okay. But, who is going to be Dori?" Emmett asks while he holds up the blue and yellow ***A/n my fav song lol*** fish costume. Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were all in the "Costume Room" (Alice's Walking Closet) preparing for Day 2.

"OOOOOH! ME ME! PICK ME!" Alice was jumping up and down waving her arms wildly.

"Alice love," Jasper said, "Come here." He pulled Alice into his arms. "Now don't take this the wrong way but-" He was cut off by Emmett.

"YOUR NOT PLAYING!!!! Remember??"

"EMMETT! DON"T YELL AT MY WIFE" Jasper snarled as Alice broke away from him.

"WHATEVER! I KNOW EVERYTHING!" She cried and then promptly ran away.

"Emmett. You are oober lame." Jasper said. "And you get to be the girl fish because I was the girl cat yesterday." Jasper pulled on the clown fish costume. Emmett mumbled to himself as he did the same. Once they were ready they had matching evil grins.

"Let's go find NEMO!" they said in unison.

* * *

Meanwhile Edward Cullen was having a great morning. He was playing the piano and watching through the window as the light rain decorated the forest with sparkly dew drops. He was in a peaceful state.

Then he heard a strange popping noise_ That's odd Is someone playing with bubbles?_IN all of Edward's 100 plus years he didn't ever remember any of the Cullens playing with bubbles.

Edwards was paranoid after living with the Dynamic Dorkasaurs for years and years. And as a general rule anything out of the ordinary was put straight on the "extreme warning" list. So, Edward went from peaceful to HIGH ALERT in .02 seconds.

**POP!POP!POP!**

The bubbles were getting closer.

**POP!POP!POP!**

_Where is that coming from?_Edward wondered. He stood up from the piano bench and went on the defensive. He started to hear a faint singing but he couldn't quite make out the words. He scanned the room to look for a quick exit.

No luck.

The windows were locked and

1) he was lazy

2) he didn't want to get wet

It was hopeless.

He was stuck.

He waited for the impending doom.

"Just keep swimming

Just keep swimming

Just keep swimming

Swimming swimming

What do we do?

We swim swim"

Dori's song blasted it's way through Edward's ears.

" Who are we looking for again?" 'Dori' asked

"Nemo, Dori. My son remember?" 'Marlin' answered.

"OH right! Memo!"

"NO! Nemo"

Yeah that's what I said! Semo!"

NEMO!"

"Emo?"

"**NEMO"**

"Lemo?"

**"NEMO!!"**

"I got it. I got it. It's Flemo. My bad. Weird name for a son in my opinion. Poor kid. Hey! What are we doing again?"

"**AAAAAAAAARGH!!**" Jasper-fish yelled as they blocked off the only doorway to Edward's freedom.

"Hey Hey! Marlin! I found him! I found Nemo!" Emmett-fish clapped _her_ fins excitedly.

"NOW you get it right." Jasper-fish grumbled. He turned to Edwards. The glint in his eyes was one that made Edward weary. "Come on NEMO it's time to go home my son. You are such a bad fishy. When we get home you must do our-I mean your chores and go to bed without supper." Jasper-fish tried to look fatherly...It didn't work.

_Great _Edward thought _They're dragging me into their game._

_"_I'm not playing" Edward said.

"Hey marlin?"

"Yes Dori?"

"Numa is being a bad fishy he won't stay in character."

*sigh*"I know Dori. What shall we do?"

"Marlin may I beat him?" Emmett-fish said.

"Of course. You have my full permission." Jasper-fish grinned at Emmett-fish who returned the favor.

Edward heard two identical thoughts in his head. _You better run fish boy._

And Edward did.

He pushed his way through the two fish and ran as fast as he could.

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~INSERT CHASE SCENE~

* * *

The Kitchen

The bulky fish costumes smashing the dinner Esme had planned for Bella.

"You know what?" She said. "That's okay I think that there wasn't enough salt in the soup anyway."

Alice's Design Room

"**HEY YOU STUPID FISH YOUR LUCKY I SAW THAT COMING!.......CAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING.**"

Jumping over Rosalie who was lounging on the couch.

"Emmett love." she said sweetly, "Be careful." ......."I mean STOP BEING ANNOYING YOU GUYS!" ***I guess it's hard to be mean all the time. Even Rosalie slips up.***

Until finally.....

They trapped "Nemo" in the Bat Cave.

"Foolish Nemo you should have stayed in character! GLUB GLUB!" Emmett-fish said as Jasper-fish closed the door.

Edward was shrouded in darkness.

* * *

3 hours later

* * *

The doorbell rings.

Marlin answers the door.

Its Bella.

"Hello human girl. My name is Marlin. I am a clown fish." He said.

"AHHHH!" Bella screeched "I LOVE FINDING NEMO!!!"

"Speaking of Nema would you like to find him?" Dori asked Bella as she walked further into the house.

"Dori isn't that your job?" Bella asked totally into the WLRPGGT even though she didn't really know what was going on.

"Yeah but we forgot where we left him." Jasper-fish said. "So if you find him...Tell him he still has to do our chores!"

* * *

Eventually "Nemo" was found by Bella. He was sitting in the Bat Cave curled in fetal position mumbling about creative sushi recipes.

* * *

End Day 2

Final score

Jasper-2 Emmett-1

Edward- negative 1 million!

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Hey guys i finished it!!

lol sooo Now i got to work on the next chapter Hopefully I'll be done soon!

Love,

Me (THEotherHALF)

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Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i dont have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashey Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodyguard muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

The week long adventures of Emmett and Jasper

by: me-the other half- =]

Chapter 5~I vant to suck your blood

Edward was weary after Bella had found him in the Bat Cave. It had taken him awhile to recover. After he did he had to explain to Bella what was going on.

"It;'s a game" he sighed "I mean what else could they possibly use to entertain themselves besides a week long RPG." Bella noted his sarcasm but she didn't care. _I want in._ She thought. Edward was better off not telling her. He had awakened an Emmett and Jasper minion.

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Bella woke up early the next morning and drove to the Cullen's home. She ran inside and yelled a quick greeting, completely ignoring Edward. Bella ran upstairs to Alice's room where she found her best friend, her best friend's husband and the teddy bear.

***HEY!! Why do we always pick on me?? -Emmett turns to author with a pathetic look on his face- Well that's because you....KEEP ESCAPING FORM THAT DANG BAT CAVE I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE GETTING FREE?????? -author finishes rant and looks at the cowering whimpery mess that used to be big scary Emmett- HEY!! there you go agian!! Emmett Cullen does NOT whimper like a little girl....Eddie does. -he laughs- And stop making fun of me!! -Emmett yells at author who locks him in a new high security Bat Cave.****

The three Vamps are surprised at Bella's visit and her eagerness to play a part. But they still are excited about it. Emmett and Jasper grab Bella and Alice and flash to the meeting room **I got tired of saying bat cave* "YESSS!!" Alice said "I knew i'd get to play cause I KNOW-"

"yes honey we know you know everything now listen to our plan."

-----------------------------------

To say that Edward was miffed was putting it lightly. Not only did Bella not say "HI" to him, his girlfriend left him for the Dynamic Dorkasaurs and Alice!! _Where's the justice?_ He thought. _I thought she loved me. _Edward did the manly version of a pout. Which was still pretty girly and listened to the angsty music in his collection. Then he heard it.

"Oh Edward." Bella sing-songed. "We want you to hang out with us."

"Yeah! We have clothes for you to try on!" Alice put in as the girls entered his room.

Edward groaned. _Great now that she wants to hang out with me its to do something i despise._

"Ed I know what your thinking but if you** really**love me you'll do it!" Bella looked at Edward with the pouty puppy dog eyes.

_GAH! she's knows I can't resist those! that's playing dirty!_

"Fine. I'll do it. Whatever you want." Edward was defeated.

"Yaaayyy!!" The girls high fived and dragged Edward to Alice's 'costume room'.

---------------------------------

Emmett and Jasper watched their plan fall in to place fomr afar.

"I can't vait for this to start" Emmacula said.

"Me neither" Jasperacula replied.

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_They had to hace at least put 25 different outfits on me by now!_ Edward complained.

The girls had blindfolded him so he couldn't "distract them" from their work. So edward never saw when they pulled out a white dress a blonde wig and red lipstick.

"Arms up Eddie" His sister commanded. Edward sighed and complied to demands. The best friends pulled the white dress on over Edward's head. Then Bella took the wig and placed it on his head.

"Hey? what's that? and am I wearing a dress?"

"Maybe you are and maybe....you are? Now hold still!" Alice used her super speed to apply the red lipstick to Edward. "There." She said. "Now you look perfect."

"Perfect!? You dressed me up like a girl!!" Edward sputtered and ripped the blindfold off his eyes.

"You do look perfect Edward. You are the perfect victim!!" Bella smiled innocently at Edward.

"Oh great you're in on it too? My own girlfriend?" Edward was surprised at this but he knew he had no more time to waste if he was dressed as the victim then someone was going to be hunting him. Edward ran away like a little girl.

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Emmacula and Jasperacula were dressed in black capes lined with red silk. Thier crispy white shirts had high collars. When they smiled thrie white plastic vampire teeth, that made it hard to talk, were clearly visible.

They had a job to do.

Emmett and Jasper had put all competition aside for the rest of the week.

They now focused on one thing.

It was time to hunt Edwardella.

----------------------------------------

Edward ran outside of the house but that was what the dracula's were waiting for. They popped out of no where and cornered their prey.

"Ve Vant to suck your blood!" They spat out around the plastic fangs.

"Oh real original guys. Dracula? Are you kidding me?" Sometimes Edward just couldn't believe these two...like now.

"Vhatever Edvard Ve are alvays going to be cooler than you!" They said. (They had practiced their unison speaking skills so they'd be prepared for this predictable conversation.)

Edward gave up. _What's a few more hours in that awfyl Bat Cave _he thought. _My whole family is against me. _

Emmacula and Jasperacula dragged their prey into the Bat Cave.

Then the Cullens + Bella had a dance party for the rest of the night.

Everyone got their own complementary plastic fangs.

End Day 3

Final score

Jasper and Emmett-3

Edward- Epic fail.

Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i dont have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Mary-Kate and Ashey Detective Agency, the Little Engine That Could, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodyguard muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

Hey guys! did you miss me?? lol Sorry it's been awhile i just haven't found the time to get to a computer...but here it is! The next Chapter!

The Week long Adventures of Emmett and Jasper

By Me

Chapter 6~Slytherplin and Griffindork

Edward was a little bit weary after Bella had found him in the Bat Cave but it had taken him awhile to recover. But after a couple of therapy sessions with carlise he was good as new...sorta. Finding Nemo and Dracula was banned from the house. All of Emmett and Jasper's good vampire movies had mysteriously dissappeared. The lovely aquarium Esmè had with exotic fish imported from the Amazon and stuff was DESTORYED by Edward. The poor piranah in the tank broke all of it's scary little teeth on Edward's marble skin befor slowly sufficating to death.

*******Wow Edward**.

The Author pauses in her typing to look at her vampire slave. Who was currently mowing a very large lawn with nail clippers.

**You really ARE a monster...**She says with a smirk on her face.

Quick as well....a vampire Edward-slave was by her side reading the new chapter.

**That never happened!** He outraged as he tried to delete it.

**We just sent the little buggers back to where they came from! I'm not a monster!**

The Author cackles at Edward's silly exclamations.

**Oh Eddie remember whose in charge here!**

Her voice turns really creepy and Edward smaretly tries to back away slowly.

But, the Author already is scribbling away in jher notebook madly and Edward is now nowhere to be seen.

The Author cracks her knuckles and snaps her fingers.

Announcer Guy appears.

He is wearing duckie pajamas.

He is handed a piece of paper.

**-Ahem- Attention all readers!! **

He reads.

**Edward Cullen will no longer be appearing in this chapter. **

**He is currently in an alternate dimension being chased by GIGUNGO piranhas. He might be back for the nest chapter if he is a good boy. **

**The normal rules of the game will once again apply as Emmet and Jasper have no one to bother today. **

**That is all.**

**Have a nice day*******

Jasper and Emmett were feeling a little down. Their favorite play thing and brother was missing! "I had so many pranks planned for this day." Emmett whinned.

"I know Em. With no Edward we have to change our characters!! Costume change quick!" Jasper said as Alice ran into the room.

"On it!" She nodded and frantically transformed the weasley twins into....

" 'ello My name is Harry Potter. I'm a wizard. And I'm british." Jasper said in a horrible british accent. His blonde hair had been temporarily dyed blackand it was spiked out. He was wearing his Hogwarts robes and a Gryffindor scarf.

" 'Ello my name is Draco Malfoy." Emmet said in an equally bad accent but, with a very Draco smirk on his face. "I'm a **pureblood** wizard. And I'm not an orphan."

His slytherin robes went with his eyes.

"Thanks Alice." They said. The two wizards pulled out their wands and ran downstairs to have a duel.

They bowed and counted to three. Then imaginary spells were thrown. They doged and ducked and rolled around the 1st floor. Narrowly missing the 'spells', the furniture, and Rosalie.

3 hours later

"Hey Potter" 'Draco' spat "Let's have a Battle...of the Bands!"

"Bring it Malfoy!" 'Harry' said. They each had a kareoke machine aset up in Edward's room.

'Harry' began to sing...

_Draco Malfoy _

_What's your Problem?_

_All your friends think your rad_

_'Cause you treat me so bad._

_~Harry and the Potters _

_****This is seriously a real band they're my fave!!!****_

But 'Draco' was not about to lose he sang..

_My Dad is rich_

_And your Dad is dead_

_My Dad is rich_

_Your Dad is dead._

_~Draco and the Malfoys_

_****This is seriously a band as well they're my other fave!!****_

And they sang and sang and sang.

By the end of the day Jasper lost his voice and Emmett was beat up by rosalie. His bruises lasted for a week.

"Well good game Jazz"

"You too Emm." and the two shook hands.

"I wonder how Eddie is holding up."

*****Sometime during the course of this chapter the Author removed Edward form the dimension and placed him in a box with a tv. Now this was a special tv for it was only showing a continuous shot of Edward's room at the current time. This made Edward very upset. During the duel the wizards might have gotten a little out of hand....

They had used spray paint as a substitute for real spells and then turned their weapons to Edward's beautiful walls.

Red and Green spray painted words covered them. With key phrases like **Gryffindors 4eva! Death to the Slytherplins!** and **Slytherins Rule! Gryffindorks drool!** sticking out in his mind. His couch was trashed. Their were feathers everywhere. If vampires could cry little Eddie would be sobbing.*****

End Day 5?

Final Score

Jasper-Who cares? Emmett-Who cares?

Edward-is super lame

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	7. Chapter 7

Hey!!! This is me-umm me? idk i dont have a name yet....just know that im the other half of this author account...YAY!!

A/n: so the "works of literature they are going to be using are...Frankenstein, Finding Nemo, Sailor Moon, Lord of the Rings, Dracula, Cats, and Harry Potter.

Disclaimer: so i own nothing nothing nothing!!!! IM poor im feeble and weak and they took everything!!!! Curse my cruel fate curses upon the world!! ooga booga and all that jazz...hmmm jazz like jasper....if i owned jasper that'd be sweet!! I could take him to school and he'd be like my little emo bodyguard muwahahahahahahahah....but i don't awww mann T.T maybe when i rule the world...

Hey guys! did you miss me?? lol Sorry it's been awhile i just haven't found the time to get to a computer...but here it is! The next Chapter!

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*******ATTENTION!!**HEY GUYSS I TOTALLY SWITCHED OUT MK&A AND THE LIL ENGINE THAT COULD LOL EVEN THEYWERE TOO RANDOM FOR ME TO WRITE ABOUT HAHA!! ANYHOO HAVE FUN READING AND STUFF*****

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The Week long Adventures of Emmett and Jasper

By Me(tHE oTHER hALF LOL YEA THATS ME)

Chapter 7~ Ready?? Everyone Sing!! ~sailor moon supperrrrrr~ YAY! That was FANtastic!

"Tra La La La. Look at me. Look at me! I am in a skirt! I have blonde hair and a meatball head. Tra La la la." Emmett sang as Alice was fitting him into his costume. "Brother dear please hold still I have to finish this in 5 minutes!" "Sorry Alice. Being in a skirt is just sooo fun!! Isn't is Jazz?" Jasper was already fitted in his sailor moon costume. He was sitting on His and Alice's Bed with a blanket covering his legs. "Yeah. Whatever. But this skirt is WAY to short how am I supposed to function! And Alice why is Emmett's skirt longer than mine!." Jasper complained. Alice laughed at Jasper's pain. "Because honey you have very nice legs you should show them off more!" Emmett's hearty laughter caused him to move.

"Hey! Emmett don't move! I'll stick you with my pins!" Alice cried. "But it won't hurt me." Emmett was confused. "Its not youI'm worried about! Its my pins. They break when they hit your skin!" "Wow. I though you were worried about me...How silly i was." Emmett said as Alice finished his costume. "Okay boys! UP you get!" Alice commanded. The two Sailor Scouts stood in front of Alice. The seer inspected her work for flaws.

"Okay you guys or girls look perfect! Off you go!" She approved. "Hey Alice?" Sailor Jasper asked "Will you be my tuxedo mask?" Alice nodded with a big smile on her face. She magically pulled out a tuxedo mask costume. "I was waiting for this. I'm so excited!" She saw it coming because, of course, she knows everything. "Do you think that Rosie will be my Tuxedo?" Sailor Emmett asked. "I don't know. Let's find out!" The two sailor moons and Tuxedo mask went down stairs.

Rosalie was minding her own business reading a Vogue. It was her favourite pass time to look at the models in the magazine and compare them to herself. "Wow. Ugly. Ugly. Super Ugly. I'm soooo much better looking then these tramps." She said. "Yes you are babes?" A high pitched male voice said from behind her. "Emmett....What do you want..." She said. "It's **Sailor**Emmett today" Emm-Sailor Emmett said as he came to stand in front of Rosalie. _My husband is a freak_. Rosalie thought. "Well shnookums. I just wanted to know if you would be my tuxedo mask."

"Umm..." Rosalie pretended to think. "**NOOO!!!**" She yelled. "But why not?? PLeaaaassseeee will you be my Tuxedo? There's no sailor moon without her/his Tuxedo Mask!" Sailor Emmett begged.

"Come on Rose! It'll be fun! Besides we get to hunt Eddie! You Know that you love to torture him! Yoo have done it in so long!" Alice persuaded. _Well I have been through this magazine a few times....It's not like I have anything else to do. _Rosalie pondered.

"Okay give me a costume" She nodded.

"YAYYYYY" The three muska-dorks shouted as they danced in a circle. _What have I gotten myself into_? Rosalie thought.

~After Rose Gets into her costume~

Tuxedo Rose Tuxedo Alice Sailor Jasper and Sailor Emmett were on the hunt. Their goal? To find the missing Edward Cullen....And beat him up with magie Sailor scout stuff and lame Tuxedo Mask roses that cause alot of damage but it's seriously just a flower so i don't get how it's so powerful WHATEVER SAILOR MOON CREATORS WHATEVER.

They hadn't seen Edward since the last chapter so they didn't know where to look.

Suddenly.

A magical television floats down from the sky. It stops in front of our hunters and turns on.

Announcer Guys face appears on screen holding a very important note card announcement thingy.

**~Ahem~ He coughs. "According to the super awesome author. Edward is allowed to come back to the story. She was getting annoyed my his whinyness and figured you guys would have more fun tormenting him. She has dressed him up like a sailor moon monster so attack at will. Know that she will be cackling (from where ever she cackles from) with glee at your actions. Go find your Edward Monster. Peace out Sailor Scouts.**

The screen turns off and the t.v. floats back to where it came from.

"Yessssssssss!!! Thanks super cool author Lady!" Sailors Emmett and Jasper say.

**Your Welcome My pets. **A voice says coming from somewhere.

"Hey guys! I think I heard him! Let's go!" Tuxedo Alice said. The four Cullens headed into the forest.

~With Edward~

The only thing Edward was currently aware of was that he was falling. The ground was getting closer. _This is going to hurt_. He thought.

Whoosh! **KABAAAAMMM**!! Edward hit the ground hard. "Owww. My bottom." He whined. He gingerly stood up and looked around. "I'm home? YES!" Edward did a victory dance, happy that he was free form the author for awhile. "Now I can relax for ahile." He said confidently. **Muwahaha! Silly Eddie your not getting off that easy. **A voice said. Edward looked around. There was no one there so he just ignored it. He stretch out is muscles, then he finally realized he wasn't wearing his own clothes. "What is this?"

He was wearing a blue uniform type thing and a white cape lined with blue. Also he noticed a long silver wig.....that wouldn't come off.

****A/N: He's dressed like Malachite just in case you didn't get it. lol I'm bad at descriptions.****

_Great what have I gotten my self into this time._ Edward thought. SNAP! A branch broke somewhere behind him. He whipped around but no one was there. Edward tensed ready to spring into action. SNAP! Another branch broke. Edward spun around again.

"Hey Negatrash" A girlish voice called out. "It's time to go down!!" Sailor Emmett Jumped into the Clearing that Edward was in. He was quickly followed by Sailor Jasper. "I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice!" he cried. Pulling on his skirt to make sure he was still covered. They did the Sailor Moon movements together. "On behalf of the moon, We will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you!" They said together.

"No! No way! Not another one of these stupid things! I'm going home!" Edward yelled and headed back towards the house. "Not so fast!" The two tuxedos stepped out from their hiding places. "Your not going anywhere Negascum! You leave my Sailor Emmett alone!!!" Tuxedo Rosalie said totally getting into character.

The Sailors took off their tiaras and the Tuxedo Masks pulled out bouqets of roses. "Attack!" Tuxedo Alice shouted. Two tiaras were flung at Edward's face....and made contact. "OW! That hurt you guys!" Edward rubbed the red marks on his face. Emmett and Jasper started laughing.

"Take this!" Alice said "And This!" Said Rosalie. The girls whipped the roses at Edward thorns first. "Are you serious? Flowers what can a stupid flower do to a vampire? Ow OWOWOWOWOW! It hurts why does it hurt??"

"Muwahaha! These flowers are special! Straight from the Author herself! They have the same powers against you as the Real ones do against the sailor moon monsters!!!" The four Cullens laughed at their brother's misfortune. One after another the torns from the roses made slices that penetrated Edwards marble skin.

He wasn't used to the pain.

He curled into fetal position.

...........And sobbed like a baby.

"He's hopeless isn't he?" Jasper asked. He had long since shed his skirt for a nice long pair of pants.

"Yes he is." Emmett had also shed his costume for some more appropriate attire. The boys looked down at Edward. Alice and Rosalie had disappeared somewhere.

Edward didn't even notice he just kept mumbling about roses and stupid authors. **OI!! I'M NOT STUPID.**

Emmett and Jasper left him in the forest and went home to play some video games.

5 hours later Edward came home.....LAME

End Day 5 (Last chapter was Day 4 sorry I lost track .)

Final Score

I really don't know the score right now

and I'm kinda sleepy

........

Edward is still super lame muwahaha

Good night!!

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ehh not my best but what can you do? I've been at Chinese camp all week so i haven't really been focused on writing that much....sorry guys....see you next time!!! ^.^

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Questions? Notes? Comments? Reviews? I enjoy responses form people they make me a better author. Which is the ultimate goal!! So go on!! Press the button!! Seal your fate!


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